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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2004.09.21  01.03 A Heartless Human... PLEASE READ! This is a conversation I had with MELISSA ACEVES. The worst human I have ever known. I dont expect anyone to know how fucked up my stay in Hawaii was... but I was so completely depressed and... fuck, whatever. Im soooo glad to be home. And so you guys know my moms heart is really fucked we found out today. Way more surgery than we thought... but Melissa doesnt care :) Apparently, I didnt come home because my mother could die in a couple weeks, or because I didnt like being persecuted for the COLOR OF MY SKIN. According to Melissa and her brilliant, brilliant ideology, I came home because " I couldnt hack it" Please read and see what a horrible human she can be. This is entirely unedited. Its very long, but its very worth the read which is why I didnt cut it. If you want to skip the shit before it, go to the asterisks. MELISSA ACEVES: I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says ME: My Birthday Is Coming Up I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: so, do you go to school? My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Naw, I missed that boat being up in Hilo. I'll just transfer my creds to SLCC in spring then head up to the U I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: so why'd you leave? My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Buncha reasons. Shit got really fucked up there and at home. My moms having heart surgery My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Shit went way wrong... but im glad to be back... its so much better here than shitass Hawaii My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I love Utah. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i thought you were excited to go to hawwaii I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: *hawaii My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I was. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: How could I hate it before I even went there lol I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: well, most people dont usually leave their place of residence not having any idea what they're getting themselves into My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I did... but I didnt know id be living in the ghetto. The meth capitol of all the islands in my apartment complex. I lived in the shittiest part of town, and people treat you like fucking shit. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Fucking asians are so mean. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i thought you liked asians My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Not anymore... youre the biggest piece of shit if youre white there. The only thing they like less are the Filipinos. Theyre the "mexicans of hawaii". My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I quote. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: hmmm... I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: thats odd My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Yeah... it is. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: And its more real than you can imagine. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: well, i dont intend on leaving utah anytime soon, everything i love is here I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i dont see the point My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Yeah... its nice to really solidify that by leaving and coming home. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: lol, im sure the cost of it was worth it I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: quite the venture just to remind yourself that you love home My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Quite. Nearly damaging... but its what I needed to do. I have no regrets. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: good My Birthday Is Coming Up says: So... are you with Chris still? My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Dare I ask I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: hell yeah I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: you mean Buff, im sure I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i dont call him chris, but yea, i am My Birthday Is Coming Up says: His name is Chris, so thats what I call him. Right on. Good for you guys. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Are you goin to school? I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: yeah I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i go to the U My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Cooo. I went to a U for awhile My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I liked it. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Good times... very... hmm... Educational, if you will. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: :) I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: when? I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: oh yeah, sorry i though you said " the U" My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Nope, indefinite article. My classes were great. None of the douche shit im gonna have to take in spring. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Survery of Psych... History of Buddhist Philosophy and Ancient Eastern Philosophy My Birthday Is Coming Up says: God... awesome. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: well, why dont you take that kind of stuff I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: yeah, it doesnt qualify as generals or anything I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: maybe you could major in something like that My Birthday Is Coming Up says: They did. I got special invites from my professors My Birthday Is Coming Up says: To skip the intro classes I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: well, you're not there anymore My Birthday Is Coming Up says: lol... really/ I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i mean, if you were able to get special invites there, why couldnt you do it here? My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I agree. Im amazing and a prolific student. But I dont really care anymore. It would be too much work and i'm spent from getting scholarships to using them to not even being in school anymore My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Its taxing. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: noah said you didnt get scholarships I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: he said you were pating for school My Birthday Is Coming Up says: lol 9,000/year I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: *paying My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I just had to buy books and housing My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I got a badass scholarship My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Almost ten large per year My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Hes just full of shit ************************************************************************************** I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: hmmm... he said you only had enough money for one semester over there My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I did. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Its 800 per plane ticket My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I also had groceries My Birthday Is Coming Up says: soap... garbage bags, shower curtains, sheets... it all adds up I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: well, expenses of everyday living arent a one time thing I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: what did you expect to do? My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Have you ever lived out of your home? I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: that time i turned tricks on the street My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Thats what I thought. Youve never left the comfort of free condiments. Are you aware of Hawaii's inflation and taxes? Its over $4/gallon for milk. Double what it is here. You can plan on shit... but then you can be realistic. You can bring toothpaste.... shampoo.... but you forget about needing a shower curtain, or mustard. Fucking q-tips, paper towels, garbage bags, sheet sets... My Birthday Is Coming Up says: You plan on certain shit.. but you dont realize the shit you take for granted everyday Melissa, I promise. You can pretend. But when you step off a plane a couple thousand miles from home not knowing a fucking soul, you cant really prepare for that penetrating melancholy. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: you seriously didnt think that you were going to have to provide stuff like that for yourself? I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: i mean, its not like you were just stepping into living for the first time My Birthday Is Coming Up says: You know what. You dont really no shit about it. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: *know My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Youre a child whose never left home, I dont expect you to understand. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: A privileged child, no less. I dont want to waste your time, I just want to watch you go by says: You left home and you couldn't hack it. How much better prepared are you than I am? My Birthday Is Coming Up says: I couldn't hack it? Shit... my mom might die in the next couple weeks. I wasnt about to stay in some place I fucking hated while my mothers cardio system crippled. You know nothing, you bitch. And dont you fucking pretend you know what its like. Why are you so unhappy all the time, and such a bitter callow human? I have never known anything less than you. And I dont care what you think you know of My Birthday Is Coming Up says: life. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: If my mom doesnt make it through her surgery, I will gladly take my tears and set your mothers heart on fire so you can die in the flames of a loss you couldnt comprehend. My Birthday Is Coming Up says: Jesus. I got pretty worked up, I realize, but I hate it when some rich kid tells me how MY fucking life is. Some little fuck who has never left home. Let alone gone off on their own. Theres no denying I came back. But i'll admit I hated it there. I could've stayed. I could've hacked it, and I know this. But I didnt see the point. I knew I had to go there and I learned my lesson; home is a wonderful place, and that all the people I loved here would never be anywhere else. It was a thing I kept hearing in the back of my mind, (stupid, I know) But it was an Eminem lyric. "There will never be another me, and no matter what they do, there will never be another you." It sounds simple, and easy to overlook. It was just something I memorized until I realized I wouldnt find another Jaimie in Hawaii. And I sure as fuck wouldnt find any of my blood relatives I was so close with... and whether you find good friends in college is irrelevent, I had good friends here. Genuinely good people that could never, ever be replaced. So fuck this rich girl and what shes learned living in two states of the western united states, never losing anyone she's ever known. I lost a brother, almost lost a sister, and might lose my mom. Those hours of worry have sucked years off my life, and are incomprehendable to anyone that hasnt endured it. God she pisses me off. Shes like a fucking sociopath... she really is the worst person I know. Noah is a dick, and is full of hate. But shes full of apathy towards human life, a thing much, much worse. This is her email if you would like to write an editorial to her. DMACEVES@MSN.COM Much love to all of you. Even those that might not expect it. My spite for Melissa is taking over and is overshadowing my minor dislike of some. To those that read all the way through this, I love you, and post a message saying that you have so I can give you some love in return for your spent time. :) Goodnight yall. And have pleasant dreams...

	2004.09.03  11.00 Sam's Words of Advice So, i'm home. Long story. I start school again in January. But check this out. A Livejournal friend of mine, CanadaSam, posted this. Its really got some amazing advice and I want you all to read it. This is a realization of having a shitty job and really reflecting on it. Not just disliking your job, but really having a shit-ass horrible, degrading time at work... of which I can definitely relate. Only people that have worked in fast food can really get this. So read up it will insipire you to stay in school, and to really do something you love. My advice; Never settle. Read the sage-like words... of Sam: I was thinking, when I was walking home from work tonight. I get a lot of good thinking done on those walks home. It takes over an hour, and it's all dark and peaceful, except for the cars going by. But anyway. I was thinking about how most of my life, I've had something on the horizon. When I was in elementary school, it was always "This many more months until summer," or "This many more years until I start high school." In high school, it was "This many more years until I graduated." Then, even in my year of doing nothing after high school, it was how I'd start college in a year. Now, I'm on my last week of work before school starts (Eight Fucking Days in a row, by the way). Then it'll be "this many more months until exams," and "This many more years until I go to a bigger, better college / university" and "that many years until I finish everything I need to start a career." And then what? Seriously, then what? I'll get up, go to work, come home, and repeat until I get a day or two off. Not that thats a bad thing, because I am pretty set in my ways about what I want to do with my life, and if I make it there, I'll be really happy, and proud of myself. But I know people that aren't going back to school, because they don't know what they want to do with their lives, or just because they don't want to go back. For them, the get up, go to work, come home shtick has already started. They just skipped a big expensive step. Really, it seems like everyone is striving towards one thing, and that's to not strive for anything. They'll take care of everything they need to take care of until they're old enough to not have to work anymore. And thats what I'm doing. What will life be like when I'm not working towards something? And another thing. If you find a job you really, seriously like, even if it's a low paying, no college required job, stick with it. If we're all working towards not having to work towards anything, at least be happy. I hate the attitude some people hold that a person is as good as the job they have, and the car they drive. No, I'm not going for a Tyler Durden with this, I just hate that attitude. My opinion is that a person is as good as they choose to be, not what they do, or what they own. So if you can honestly say that you like going to work, then just go. College won't make you a better person. If you do well in college and university, you're life will likely just get bigger, and more expensive. You'll have bigger toys, a more expensive house, and probably a more expensive standard of living. Whatever, if thats what you want, cool, go for it. I can't say it doesn't sound okay. I personally am sick of my job, and I know I sure as hell don't want to work in fast food my whole life (but don't siiighn that - paper tooonight!), but if you ever do find a small seemingly low class job, and it makes you happy, why complicate things? Because one day, we'll all be dead, and if we could all just look back on our lives for a minute or two before we croaked, and have it bring a stupid grin to our faces, then fucking right on. (PS: Sam, I know I didnt ask for your permission, but i'm pretty sure you'll be cool with me posting this... right? :) ) Mood: scared Music: Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

	2004.08.25  16.41 Rough Like Timbaland Wear Man... I had a really good outlook on life last night. I had my 3 hour long Buddhist Philosophy class... its the best class I have ever taken. Im really excited to go next week. We have a ten page paper due and I already started writing it... and its not due until December 16th, heheh. Thats just how amazing the class is. I was really turned off to Buddhism, but... I really learned a lot and re-established some of my beliefs by matching wits with the other 50 year old guys in that class. Its interesting... for those that know, one of the four noble truths is that you cant have attachment. But Aaron thinks that if you truly love something, you are attached. I mean this in the idea of romantic love, not the all-encompassing-all-accepting love of nature that an enlighted Buddhist has. Im a total hippie when it comes to romantic love, and that is why I couldnt be Buddhist. Im attached to my family, and im attached to women. Thats just how it is. But its fascinating. College is really good. Its like a relaxed highschool that you pay a lot of money for. Even though for this term after scholarships it'll only be 1,300 :) Not bad, not bad. But it really isnt that cool here. Yeah you have the beach, yeah, I live next to a lagoon that looks straight out of... Blue Lagoon (might have even been filmed here lol) but its just not Salt Lake. I have had a week to acclimate, and have gotten over the homesickness... but I still dont like it here. Its like a beautiful... tropical... prison... a prison that I cant leave until the plane says I can. That is a very, very unsettling idea. I will post pics as soon as my camera arrives. Heres my address for those that want to send some love... :| Aaron Henry 50 Maile Street Apt. W10 Hilo, Hawaii 96720 Hawaii is a very different place when you live here, its a lot different than just vacationing here, thats for damn sure. I have already lost so much weight because of the constant exercise and sweating and the strict diet of Ramen and water, that when i come home i'm gonna look like Ian... well.. Ian with a much larger skeletal structure. lol Oh, and of course, I leave and everything turns to shit. My dog is blind. He got SARDs Sudden A. Retinal Degeneration, no known cause or cure. Just bam, he cant see anymore. Its the saddest shit in the world. No more flashlight :'( My poor puppy... He'll never see me again. Anyhoo. I'm lonely. Jaimies flight doesnt get in until 10 y'alls time... so thats a whole nother hour here :( :( :( :( :( :( I dont know how im going to make it 3.5 months. Somebody take a trans-continental flight here and shoot me... then head to Richardsons beach, its the best here.

	2004.08.22  08.15 Hiloan Days.... So... I am in Hawaii. This is my fourth day, the first day i've been able to update since i've been here. Its beautiful... it rains everyday and I wake up next to a rain forest. There are 1200' waterfalls 30 minutes (time will now be marked by bike, not by car) away from my apartment. Which.. is like an 8 minute car ride. So yeah, its pretty close :) My first day here I went on a six hour walk around the island to get accompanied with everything... because i was pretty fucking lost. I was burned pretty bad, but you can expect that :) The beach is really tame... no one goes to the one nearest the apartment because the waves are pretty weak. But I like it... because you can sit and write for hours without any fucking tourists coming and fucking it up. Locals dont like it... but someone from Utah could really appreciate it.. hence, my own private beach. I was really really depressed the first couple of days. I dont mean like... teenage girl sad, but I fucking hated it here. The prejudice is very real against white people, and its very hit n miss. Some people are ballistically nice, and others just laugh at you, or say "fuckin howlie" as they drive by... I feel like a black person in Alabama. I got laughed at in a restaurant... so I just walked out. I didnt think it would be like this.. but really, I was warned. I miss home a lot... living on your own is really different than one could imagine. You think its really exciting having your own shit... and really, thats cool. But you dont think of the little things that cost sooo much when youre broke. Sandwich bags, plastic wrap.. the little divider for the utencils, a TOASTER, a fucking coffee machine, bathroom mats, a shower curtain, garbage cans, SHEETS, garbage bags, toilet paper, paper towels, condiments.. you forget you have to buy mustard.. ketchup.. mayo... so many things you just take advantage of living at home. But my apartment is really nice... all brand new hardwood floors, new range, new microwave, counters, sinks... but its in a pretty rough part of town. Not the worst here by any means... but theres definitely better :) My roommate is really cool. His name is Carlos, he's from Mexico. Really nice guy, we're both pretty laid back.. good match up. God.. I miss Jaimie though... Jesus. I really didnt expect to miss her this much. I made a wall of pictures of her.. and I spend a good two hours a day looking at them. I really have it in for this girl... I hope she's still interested when I get home... but im not really worried. It feels really good. And if she thinks about me a tenth of what I think about her then it'll work out. Time here is really different. Ive been here 4 days... it feels like ive been here a few weeks. My room mate said that the first night I came. He's like its only been a week, but fuck man, it feels like a month. And since theres no daylight savings time here, the sun goes down at 6:30. And im still jetlagged out of my fucking mind so, I went to bed at SEVEN THIRTY two nights ago lol and I was up and refreshed at 7. This place is really a different world... thats all I can say. Not only does it not feel like i'm in America... it feels like i'm in a southeastern country. I'm in fucking Saigon where they hate white people lol But really.... its so rundown; the poverty and the jungle... and the rain... it just feels like Vietnam or Cambodia. I was talking to a friend here about that and he said he thought that the first time he came here too (not that he doesnt still think that, but chooo know what im talkin abooot). Its crazy here... and it really takes some getting used to. But the coffee... oh my god. I think we've all heard of Kona coffee before... well thats like, an hour and a half (car) away. Imported daily... the strongest... best coffee in the entire world. Nectar of the gods. Every wednesday and saturday theres a farmers market. I picked up a weeks worth of fruit for 8 bucks. Strawberry papaya, butter avocado, dragon fruit, star fruit, passion fruit, apple bananas... they practically give it away. (Or im just used to paying Utah prices for them :) ) But its amazing. The culture here is just... wow. Not Pootah, thats for sure. So many Asians, So... many asians. 60% of the population is Japanese. So half of Safeway looks like a chinese market. But nothing beats the McDonalds... for breakfast, yes... they have Spam. Portuguese sausage and rice (basically a hotdog). And pineapple. You can get pineapple from good ol' Ronald McDonald. I feel like im on a mission... I cant wait until my mom sends my digital camera over. I'll post pics. Oh get this... in all my hustle to pack, I spaced packing headphones with my mp3 player. Yep... 15 hours of travel... no headphones. Luckily I slept like a madman... but still. I was peeeeeyissed. Anyhoo... I best get... its 8:45 here... and I have a big day of... nothing ahead of me :) I just have to share the computer... and I got up early enough that I could post this big ass entry without any interruption until now. But i'm out... much love to all of you, and please feel free to post comments. OH and Thomas, I hope youre serious about starting the clean life... :) Its very nice, and worryfree...

	2004.08.13  02.22 Predator Always Wins I havent updated this month... I figure I should take Aug/04's lj virginity. My laptop came.. it is beautiful... I love you Sony, for making quality products at totally unaffordable prices. I saw AVP tonight, 12:01 showing. Brilliant. Of course, thin plot... but the action was superb, and Predator is awesome. Just... awesome. I've been hanging out with Jaimie... todos los dias... and it gets better everyday. I lubbb this girl. Enough that I started to remind myself of... myself when I was with Melissa, and how she wanted me to react to shit. Manipulative beeyitch. But i'm nipping that shit and recreating what should be a healthier dating persona. I really hate girls... She came at a good time. My sis's wedding is Saturday... god... i'll be the last unmarried offspring... Lace better pump out some kids or else im stuck dishing out grandkids to my mother. I boxed up all of my video game systems... for those that know me... know this is a big step towards moving away. The only thing I still have out is a Sonic 2 case I forgot to put in a box... man... its really sneaking up on me. A lot of things are really turning to shit. Mainly my financial situation... when I come back I was thinking of getting a graveyard job at Albertsons stocking shit. They hire at $10 and after six months goes up to $12.75... I would enjoy physical labor much more than telemarketing and im NEVER doing food again. I supervised a fast food place for six months... I can handle anything. Fuck fast food. I'm going to cry... very... very... hard when we part. So here is my prayer to help me cope. Jeebus, I ask you to aid me in my time of need, to grant me the strength to not be such a fucking pussy... and i'd like to throw in a little hope for the two of us. I'd say giving us these past 60 days to spend everyday together and not get sick of eachother was a good sign, and a good test. Just don't fuck me over, thanks God. Your son, Aaron Henry.

	2004.07.31  01.17 Lit Mag Kids Okay, sorry I didnt reply to your comments :) Still love, just thought it'd be best to just update. Spence won't be back until like the 14th. Thats fine, seeing as Danchi won't be back until a few days before then. My sister's wedding is the 14th... so the days before that were gonna be pretty shitty to do our get together anyway. :) So the 15th/16th maybe? Lets get some feedback from you guys on either of those days. Me and Kelli are down for whateva seeing as niether of us have jobs... and Tish is always down. lol So I have two questions, the first of course, the 15th or 16th, And the second, what shall we do? I'm broke... between the $1,800 down for rent, and books and shit... how about a bbq? Someones house... the park... whateva. We all bring something and put it together, keeping the cost low. I'll even offer my house if no one has anything better :) K, hope to hear from you guys soon. Marci didnt comment, shes probably down though, right? <3

	2004.07.30  11.33 LIT MAG PEEPS, YOUR ATTENTION PLLEEEASE :) Hey guys, Kelli had a great idea. Since a few of us are shipping out to seperate corners of the U.S., we should all get together before everyone takes off. :) Maybe dinner, or a barbecue, just something... I thought it was a wonderful idea... because i'll miss all of you, more than I already do from these short 2 months already past. So if you guys are down, just hit me up on here, or on my cell 815-1068. I realize that we have a few absentees, so if someone wants to let me know when Danchi gets back from Cali then we can get a ballpark of when to plan it. And Spence, of course... I know he's at the Y, so I have no bearings on his ability to get down here. But its just a thought right now, and I hope that you guys want to see us (Kelli and I) as much as we want to see you. Drop me a line, by phone or this post. :) Much love. LITERARY MAGAZINE KIDS READ THIS POST READ THIS POST :) :) :)

	2004.07.29  03.12 Anybody Out There? Its been 11 days since my last post... serious negligence goin' ooon. :) Not that anyone reads this anyway. hehe So Jaimie's grandma died... gayness. Funeral was on Monday... it was weird. Haven't been to a funeral since my bros. I got a little tripped out seeing the body.... just flashbacks and ingrams and whatnot. No biggie. Got over it real quick. I'm trying really hard not to like... get too attatched to Jaimie. Its very, very difficult to do. Luckily she's not perfect, I wouldn't want to stick her on that pedestal, but she drinks and occasionally smokes weed. For anyone that knows me.. knows that this is very conflicting. Part of me would like to just show her the sober life, and the other 70% of me thinks that that would be to try to change her. And I dont. I like her.. I just don't want to worry about her when i'm gone. I could see her being very self destructive... and I just wish she didnt :'( But I haven't said anything about it. But when she says that she didnt smoke when she had the chance (Because really, everyone can do it everyday and never pay for it) I just say "good for you sweetie :)" And try not to shit my pants with happiness. I was very, very frustrated with my laptop search. Its been months... I have won a few, been scammed, had one returned... and almost completely fucked by two that I had fallback offers on... but this one should be genuine because it wasnt as risky as the others. Its not that nice, of course... I am no Sam, and have a very, very limited budget, but as unimpressive as it will sound, i'll still post the specs. If you dont care about computerism, just skip down to the asterisks :) Sony Vaio <--- that i'm actually way psyched, because its a wayyy decent brand. P-4M 1.7G 30Gig 512Ram CD-RW/DVD 15" LCD It only has 16 megs of vid.mem... but i'm going to settle with that because it still has a way decent max res. (1400x1080) and its not shared, so the 512 will go to more important shit. The real clencher when I saw it was it came with 3 batteries.. over 8 hours of hard laptopping :D So that should take care of the flights between SLC and Hawaii. And it comes with... thats right... the add-on 10-key LOL I was like... Okay, great *thumbs up* Now I can number crunch my way to my BA hahaha But Vaio's are great... and call me a poor kid... but having a Vaio is 'cool'. Sony is wonderful. :D Ohh, $599. btw. Just in my price range. :D I'm way glad its not a shitty Celeron or AMD {even though I wouldn't settled with an XP-M... but I prefer the good ol' mobile P4 :) } **** So the laptop search is over... but my phone is about to take a shit on me. The menu button doesn't really work and it makes me homicidal... won't be long before I accidently crack the lcd in a fury of biting and hitting lol And yes... there are bite marks of times I couldn't get service in the Dairy. Hmm... saw Butterfly Effect, really enjoyed it. Made me very introspective and probably should've watched it alone... but way good. VERY intense, I recommend :) This is my last week at Blimpie corporate... I hate it more and more daily. I get closer and closer to flipping out. I was laying out bread... no biggie... but then when i tried to put one tray on the rack it got all fubar'd and I proceeded to tell my coworker/supervisor how "this whole thing is fucking bullshit" and walked off. I don't know why it pissed me off so bad. I've been so god damn irritable lately. Jaimie thought I was pissed at her this morning, I just woke up in a shitty mood and Noah was being crazy and kind of pissing me off. I like that girl a ton... i'm gonna miss her. :'( THOMAS, we have the same last day of work. How about that :) I've been thinking of possible jobs in Hilo... I dont know... I still want to pursue a barista position... but i'm not sure how many coffee shops there are, and if they'll hire a howley... that'll be such a culture shock being the descriminant. I'm so used to having my accepted racial purity lol. But anyhoo... I'd assume there'd be some seeing as Kona coffee is world-renowned... and thats just a 2 hour drive from Hilo. I'm so excited to have some hard core fresh coffee. I hear after your first cup youre nearly post-coital. :) Anyhoo.. I'll quit rambling to myself. Its 3:30. I've got a ton of shit to do tomorrow. Much love to all of you... and I hope some of ya will call me with my two weeks of freedom before I go to hangout. 815-1068 unless yall forgot :) Goodnight... though most of you chillin are probably out. :) <3

	2004.07.13  01.21 Aaron... has a pirated copy of Eternal Sunshine... dvd quality. Thank you... thank you. Recently g-jacked from Kazaa. Fully functional... now I dont have to wait until September 28th to own the dvd, because Aaron can use the 79 dollar dvd burner he bought from Circuit City. (Although I will of course buy it then as well :D ). Me and Jaimie have a special place. Its a wonderful wonderful wonderful place. :) The end.

	2004.07.12  13.12 Shoutout to my boy for this Banks record. Its fuckin nice. My choice track: 12) Til the End Mood: aight Music: Lloyd Banks - South Side Story

	2004.07.12  01.00 Supafreak. Kelli is a fag and never called me back. lol which is fine, me and Stroke went up to the 19th century crematorium up behind the Aves last night. Quick little jog, but kinda fucked for my ankle, but I managed. It was good times, at one point you have to walk through this thicket just like up by that other... fucking place lol I dont remember, but its behind the aves too, anyhooo, so the crematorium is cool... not a lot going on, but still a trip to think of all the bodies that were burned there. And it has an incredible view. Awesome. Today, hung out with Jaimie... went over to Strokes, but really... never wanted to leave the bed. But luckily, my conscience overcame my libido and we headed over there an hour late. Haha. Hehe. Yes. Jaimie's name has two eyes in it, because shes not a cyclops. Oooo. lol Turning out the ol' mutant jokes... must be sleepy. We watched Life of David Gale at Strokes, good movie.. and me and Jaimie both called that he knew about the whole thing... bright girl... which is essential. She looked gorgeous today... more than usual. I shouldve taken a fucking picture *hits self with nine iron* so you all could've seen her in 'church clothes', which were... ballistically sexy and made me ponder the conflictions God was having when he saw her in his house today lol Anyhoo. Goodnight yall. :) Mood: satisfied Music: Blackzilla Theme on Chappelle

	2004.07.09  12.54 Cant Even Be Friends, Its a Song About a Friend... Welp... I spent basically all day with Jaimie yesterday... y quise que esperò por toda la noche... but I had to take her home... which was as difficult as it is daily. She is just... fuck... amazing. And gorgeous... and fun. Shes the best. She wouldn't let me go to her softball game though :( She won that one... I pried, and pried... and I dont mean to be gay and just make everything about her positive, but, i'm glad she has that strong of conviction to not even let a softball game slip by. Thats fucking cool... but scary. Alrighty. Today... I have to go to work. have to go to work to go to work. work. Im sposed to hangout with Kelli sometime this weekend... tonight? Dunno... maybe i'll hit her up and see what shes doin. Pero solamente quiero verla... la estraño... how gay. I have.. nothing exciting to say. OOO! Wait, amidst hanging out with Jaimie, I tried calling Sam and Daemon back, and then five minutes later I see them at the intersection just a block away from my house and I was all waving, not 100% sure if it was Daemons car... and they followed. We chilled. Good times. Sam thinks that Jaimie is "god damn.. gorgeous" I agree. Jesus. I take a lot of pictures of her lol Ones she doesnt know about, and im going to develop them and trip her out. Theeeee eeeend. Love yall.

	2004.07.05  01.19 name = Aaron piercings = Lobes, ex-tongue, ex-upper scrotal, soon to be labret tattoos = Neeeyope. height= 5'8 shoe size = 11.5/12 hair color = Auburn siblings = 3 sisters, 1 brother (deceased) [LAST...] movie you watched = Way of the Gun Ryan Phillipe... mmmm hmm... movie you bought = Way of the Gun Ryan Phillipe... mmmhmm... ? song you listened to = Dj Shadow - Giving up the Ghost song that was stuck in you head = Dj Shadow - Giving..."" record you bought = Like... APC... lol 4 months ago cd you listened to = This bomb ass 80s cd I made. person you've called = Jaimie person that's called you = Jaimie tv show you've watched = Speed Channel... cant remember what one [DO...] you have a crush on someone = Pff, fuck yeah. you wish you could live somewhere else = Umm... i'll be there soon enough. And im sure i'll want to come home just as quickly you think about suicide = not lately. you believe in online dating = Nope others find you attractive = Some people do. you want more piercings = Yep. My fucking job doesnt allow facial piercings. So once I quit. you like cleaning = Never you like roller coasters = Surrre you write in cursive or print = Print. [FOR OR AGAINST...] long distance relationships = Depends. I've never had one, but they worked for Andy & Kim and they're one of the best couples ever. using someone = Against. But its a necessary evil. suicide = Against... but sometimes its needed. killing people = For. smoking = Against. driving drunk = Against. gay/lesbian relationships = For. [HAVE YOU...] ever cried over a girl = Yes. Im a total pussy. I can admit this shamelessly. ever cried over a boy = My brother was kind of a boy. More like a man. ever lied to someone = I try to daily. ever been in a fist fight = Yes. [WHAT...] shampoo do you use = Herbal Essences shoes do you wear = I have a lot of shoes. Im gay about that kind of shit. are you scared of = Deep deep water and not having a boat. World annihilation while i'm the sole survivor. [NUMBER...] of times I have been in love?= Once. of times I have had my heart broken? = Thrice. of hearts I have broken? = Umm... not much of a heartbreaker. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? About 4/5 of things in my past that I regret? = No not really. I kick too much ass now to want to change any of that. [DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...] pretty= Sometimes. hot= Naw. friendly= I can be. amusing= 80% of the time. ugly= Sometimes. loveable= Yes. caring= Yes. sweet= Sometimes. dorky= 79% [FAVORITE...] 5 letter word: boobs Actor/actress: Vin Diesel. hehehehh Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons. Cartoon: Pokemon... fuck you guys. Cereal: Count Chocula... *single tear* Chewing gum: Ice Breakers Color(s): Silver Color nail polish: ..l., Day of week: I like the days I have off work. Least fave day: Monday. Except for Big Macs... mmm.... Flower: Rose. Most definitely. Jello flavor: Watermelon. Jewelry: Thumb Rings Special skills/talents: I gave someone 22 orgasms in one sitting. Summer/Winter: Summa, nigga. || Person who last.. || Slept in your bed: Kris n Cat... Jaimie and I slept elsewhere... Saw you cry: Danchi, a year and a half ago. Made you cry: Cant remember. You went to the movies with: Technically Noah, Jaimie n Cat... but... we didnt go in. Yelled at you: Probably Noah. || Have you ever.. || Said "I love you" and meant it?: Yeah. Gone out in public in your pajamas: Yeah. Cried during a movie: Yeah Planned your week based on the TV: No. Been to New York: Layover Been to California: Millions a times. Hawaii: Not yet. China: We were going to... Canada: Vancouver. Port for an Alaskan Cruise... Europe: Going to go to Ireland... but like, our flight got bombed lol Asia: Why not combine the China and Asia one? South: Yeah. Texas... Arkansas.... Australia: Not yet. Wished you were another gender: No. I've wondered... but never wished. What time is it now? 1:34 AM || This or That? || Apples or bananas?: Bananas Blue or red?: Blue Walmart or target?: Wal Mart Spring or Fall?: Spring What are you gonna do after you finish this?: Sleep What was the last meal you ate?: Albertos just a second ago. Are you bored?: Naw... I was having more fun with Jaimie though. Last noise you heard?: The chair squeak Last smell you sniffed?: Albertos. || Friendship/Love || Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes. Do you want children one day & if so, how many? Two. A boy and a girl, please. Most important thing to you in a friendship is: "Hmm... Can I fuck them." lol I'd say... trust. Comfortability. || Other Info || Criminal record?: Threatening Life n Property... I think its expunged though. Do you speak any other languages?: Yes. Last book you read: Our Search for Happiness... and yes im being serious. Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: My silk pillow. My papasan. My VIDEO GAMES, YEHEHHAH. Worst feeling in the world: Rejection.. i'm with Hippo on that one. Betrayal is shitty too. Who do you love: Everybody. || You || Nickname(s): Bud. Air Bear. Budley. Budrick. Fuckface. Firecrotch. Dude. Initials: AAH How old do you look?: Fuck if I know... my family forgets how old I am. But I think thats personae, not physical attributes How old do you act?: Bout my age. Glasses/Contacts: Glasses. Braces: 8th grade. Do you have any pets?: 3 cats and a dog, some fish.. and my snake :D You get embarrassed: When my dick isnt at its full potential, that can be lame. But i'm the only one that ever knows about that... so naw. What makes you happy?: Pussy. lol Umm.... actually... I like anything that makes me forget that im alive. Movies... sleeping... videogames. What upsets you?: I dont like my own faults... the ones I try really hard to change that just keep coming back. || Finish the sentence: || I Love to... love you. I Miss... everybody already. I Wish... that... people dont forget about me when im gone. I Hope... that Hawaii treats me well. I'm Annoyed by... My own faults... still. I Want to be... boning Jaimie. lol Man... one track mind tonight folks. But yeah, I ACTUALLY just want Jaimie here so I can sleep with her again. I Would Never... cut my dick off. I'd Rather be... White. I Am Tired of... Ritual masturbation I Will Always be... sterile. Congrats if anyone read it all. Im not expecting anything near that. In fact, if somebody reads this line alone, you are set. :D

	2004.06.20  13.41 Somehow forgot my name, blew out the flame, a means to an end, cant even be friends, a song about a friend. So... hung out with Jamie Friday night. Watched most of Boondock Saints... Shes so sweet, I honestly... its almost unbelievable. But, it is entirely plausibly cruel of a higher entity to throw someone like that in my life, and then have to leave. But not only that, she's leaving the 24th of July to go to Florida, and then to Europe... and by the time she gets back, i'll be gone. So after the races yesterday, I went over to her house... it wouldve just been us all night, but they left Derrick at her house... so that made it fucking awkward because he was like, in love with her and she just isn't into it... and I guess thats been going on for a few weeks. He was really drunk, and being really stupid trying to get her attention. And she's just so sweet that she just falls for it. Honestly, i've only found one thing thats really unfavorable... and thats something she really can't do anything about, and its mostly just me being a dumbass. But she's really awesome... it just sucks. It just fucking sucks. So thats about all i've been doing. I've been pretty introspective... and... fuck. "Hey fuckass, get me a beer!"

	2004.06.16  10.26 So, the next night So my last post was of the all nighter me and Noah pulled. Still, uber-awesome. Really good night. Essential to the leaving highschool faze. But like I said my dad's thing to get elected into his presidency went well. Although, everyone there was recognized for doing shit except for me. I let the right people know. I painted a whole fucking truck and flatbed with stars, yes. I painted 50 stars on the fucking truck using this amazing stencil I made. All... for no credit. But that didnt matter, because I met these wayyy coool, way cute girls. Jessica and Jamie. I was talking to them until like, 2 hours after the event was over. I instantly had a thing for Jamie... i'm just really bad at judging age lol I totally thought she was my age... but that doesn't stop me. Not in the illegal way, just that, she's way sweet and gorgeous. I was just a little disappointed to hear she got on Rafael. That said a bit more about her than the few hours of talking we've had. --Pardon me. I'm getting a wee bit choked up about leaving. I'm listening to One by Metallica, which is kind of gay, but it reminds me of how... everything i've ever done has been here. Growing up listening to buttrock, and never knowing that that was such a faux pas, but then coming to terms with these idiosynchratic differences. I've been contemplating just going to Hawaii for a year and coming back and going to Westminster. I don't want to miss time I could've spent with Noah, with people I love, my niece, my cousins (as good as siblings). I don't really give a fuck about how gay Utah is. Everything I love is here, and even paradise couldn't keep me away from people I love. I'll deal with the snow and shit, deal with nothing being open on Sunday... i'll be with people I love-- So I hung out with those wayyy cool, way cute girls last night. I want to hang out with at least Jamie again tonight... I dont' want her to get sick of me though. She's such a trip though! She's like... all in the Youth Chamber, and volunteers like, 10 hours a fucking day, but deep below the surface you can tell there is this... rebellious deviant. It's exciting as hell to see how people start to swear more... and just, be more real the more you get to know them. Its crazy because... I dont get to meet a lot of new people. So maybe, karmatically, she is payment for my painting the whole truck and flatbed, and not getting credit that night. :D I have to close tonight, with Rob. The homophobe. Its so stupid. He was like 'IT AINT NATURAL', and I was like... welp... in Psych. we studied the physiology behind homosexuality and how things fire in the brain differently and that there ARE different chemical processes. He says, "so". And I said, if it occurs in a human, and humans are a part of nature, than it occurs in nature thus making it NATURAL. I didn't even get a chance to bring up studies of homosexuality in the wild. Like the lions, the fucking 'Kings' of the Sahara shackin' up together, and fighting off females in heat <--- awesome documentary on Discovery, I hope you all saw it... cant recall its name. Rob is just a dork. He was like, well, I think they're wrong, and they think i'm wrong, and we're entitled to our opinions. And I qualified him on that, he is allowed. But in saying that because they can't reproduce that its obviously not natural. What about infertile people? Are they not also entitled to marry, or have a happy and FREE life? Its the ignorant fucks like my working class blue collar employees that will never let this country pull forward. He claims we're above nature. If humans arent a living creature in nature, than praytell, what are we? He got a kick out of attempting to get me all fired up. Its just that... he attempted to give scientific backing to his argument, when I came back tenfold and kicked some facts down his obese throat, so he then evaded the rest of the argument and tried to find some middle ground. I'm sure you guys know the type. The ones that try to end an argument with "We're both right." And that is rarely the case. And NEVER does that solve anything. So... that's my bi-weekly rant. Im sure i'll be back for number two later this week when I can get around to it. Oh! I bought an xbox, if anybody wants to come play with me you're totally welcome. I have Halo, Dead or Alive, and Obi-Wan. :D Just hit me up, 815-1068 Have a great day everyone, and Aaron loves you.

	2004.06.12  06.02 So, i'm just getting home... its about 6 in the morn. Kinda tired, but figured i'd end the night with a post. I never received a reply in any form from Karen... so i'll assume she thinks i'm a psycho, heheh. We bought donuts tonight... and coffee... and some burritos... and Noah kept running red lights and almost hitting people... it was awesome. Some chick kept puking while we were waiting in the drive through. We kept pulling up and driving through it lol, it was funny. Tike was in the drive thru too. He was next to give his order and Noah distracted him and cut him off. It was funny tooo :) Aubri is a dick, for never contacting me about hiking today, revenge will be my response to that. My dad is getting elected into Presidency for the Exchange club later today. It'll be at my house :P which means i've spent the last eternity cleaning shit up. My room is quite clean, and the carpets are quite steam cleaned. I pissed into a bottle twice tonight. The first was a glass bottle, and it made an awesome sound as I through it at a barricade. I love the sound of breaking glass with liquid in it. The next was a 32 oz. Big Gulp cup, I through it out the window and the wind caught and through it all over Noah's truck. Let's all have a laugh at that :) We ran into a couple people tonight. At about 2:30 we ran into Harry, Dave n Corey. They were being pedestrians. That was cooooo. There were so many cops out. Fuck me. Me and Noah hate cops. We had a really good talk tonight. Really got down to shit. Got down to some real understandin'. Good times. I feel like im either going to puke or shit my pants. lol Kevin shit his pants, literally, at the Olympian the other day. The morning he left for N.Y. Aight... im crashing... goodnight everybody. Love you all. :D ::UPDATE:: The sound of the breaking bottle of piss was like this... KAH-SHHHHHHHH! :D Nobody drive Norte on 9th east. There is glass and piss all over hahahahahah!

	2004.06.08  21.51 Subject: (optional) So... Graduation. It was a total trip. My cousin who lived in Hawaii for a lot of years got me fresh tea leaves from Hawaii 24 hours before graduation and made an Authentic lay(lei?) for me to wear. And Kooka (kuka?) shells she made into a necklace (Because its Japanese tradition to give gifts in threes :) It was way rad, and I was so psyched. I cashed in abooot 350 so far in cash. Rock it. Its the first time in my life I have over a grand in the bank. I hung out with Aubri last night, it was so chill. I forgot how there still are some people that can just chill. She bought me a breakfast burrito, and I felt like a fuck for not finding my money.. but when I did find it buried under all this shit in my room... I was comforted in realizing the impossibility of finding it before hunger killed us both. So back to Graduation night, I kinda skipped it. My fam-bbq didn't end until later than I expected and I wanted to spend at least a couple of hours at Thomas's before heading over to the Rec. Center... but I started getting so pissed off with trying to find it, and by that time it was almost midnight, and I heard that you had to be in the center before then... so I bagged it. And I was pissed I didn't at least get to make an appearance. But the Rec Center party was pretty decent. I mean... who would expect them to have a good sized Casino? Its fucking Utah. I thought that was all balls. So, I ended up taking 300 and turning it into 1,600 on the crap table. This... is because Roulette and Craps are based on intuition... all I had to do was check in, and I was set. The problem was, I wasn't able to do this when I was rolling... I got too nervous :( So i kept losing money on my turn, and winning it all back right after. Note to self, always pass the die when its your turn to shoot. So, with the raffles, they gave away x-boxes, playstations, portable dvd player/moviewatcherthingies, mp3 players... and yes... I was the lucky winner of... THE ROAD ATLAS! And for my grand prize, you ask? Binoculars... that take... digital pictures... for all your... peeping tom needs...???? What the fuck, seriously. Why not just have a digital camera with an awesome zoom? So I get all the cheesedick prizes. But hey... better than what Kelli got. Hehe. Which was nothing. I didn't receive any drunken sex... no... and that IS the point of Graduation night, is it not? But I got a lot of boob pictures with the portables cams they handed out. Quite a great idea. So yep... im grajeeyated. Off to work... and expensiver school... and I keep getting asked if its set in. Yes. It has, I won't see people... blahblahblah... but really. If there's good people I know, I'll stay in contact with them. Just because we're out of high school doesn't mean you stop chilling with people. I mean fuck, does any body doubt that me and Noah won't live together for a very socially unacceptable amount of time? He's my blood nigger, and we're down. Because nobody can meet how fucking... awesome, and out there we are. But of course... if I do stay in contact with people... its going to be about 1% of everyone I knew. I'm just curious how long Kelli will hang in there. Because she texts me a lot saying how much she'll miss me, and there really is a good tie there. A weird tie, but a very genuine... something. :) And it is a trip. All the work i've done is set, and transcripts will forever be there to reference to my now solidified days of public school. I really wanted to see Karen on yearbook day... but I fucking didn't see her. I figured she might go to graduation... but nope. Didnt see her there either. So I was looking at the floor of my car, and saw that she wrote her address on this envelope in math one day. It was totally a sign, and as fucking crazy as it may seem... I wrote her a letter. Maybe she'll call me? Maybe she'll write back! Because I KNOW that every single one of you likes seeing a piece of mail every now and then that isn't a bill or bank statement, or from the scientologists. But does that seem psycho... sending a letter? Because its not like... I was madly in love with her, she was just so good natured, and took my shit very well. Hey Thomas and Spencer and Danchi and Marci and Marque and Aubri and Gang, i'm fucking uber-bummed that I didnt get to hang out with all of chooo guys. And I really, really want to see you guys this summer. Multiple times if you guys dont hate me :D And if I must, I'll find a day and utilize my own house with which to shelter some good times for us. Cuz I love ya, and have genuinely enjoyed each of ya. So... thats me... and my last High School update. Now... it'll be... college updates... and... umm... hawaii updates (which I plan on posting every day to better document for myself, and for others to enjoy paradise from a few thousand miles away.) Much love to all of you, I will now sit on the couch, and wait for a text/call from someone. Or text/call someone. Beware... this could be you. :D

	2004.06.01  22.52 It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends. So im pouring some whiskey... im gonna get drunk. Yeah, im pouring myself some whiskey, im gonna get real fuckin drunk! Im pouring some whiskey right now, im gonna get so so drunk.. that I pass out... and forget your face... by the time I wake up.

	2004.05.23  14.15 Me and Mama Isn't she hot?

	2004.05.17  17.28 Swiftly Go The Days Im so tired. Whew. Its getting pretty hard to sleep, really worried about money. I'm pretty easily agitated lately... I feel like Lucy, and I dont want to be angry all the time. I just want to be a cheery lil guy. Anyhoo.... i've gotta go... cry, or sleep. Because its my day off this week.

	2004.05.11  22.39 Its been a long time since ive done a survey, and im sure you guys still dont care :) A - Act your age? Occasionally. B - Born on what day of the week? I want to say Friday... C - Chore you hate? Masturbation. D - Disney character? Ariel... redheads... nummy. E - Essential makeup item(s)? Powder. F - Favorite actor? Kevin Spacey/Edward Norton. G - Gold or silver? Silver. H - Hometown? Auburn, Cali, nigga! I - Instruments you play? None, I just fuck around on the guitar and piano I have. J - Jumped off a plane? Nope. K - Kids? Nope. L - Last dental appointment? 2 months ago M - Make-up brand? Victoria Jackson N - Number of people you've slept with? A few people, but never had sex. O - Overnight hospital stays? Not yet. P - Phobia? Needles... I fucking hate them. And yes, its irrational. Q - Quote you like? "Fight fire with marshmallows" lol (from Toys) and of course, my MSN Handle for the last eternity: "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity." R - Religious affiliation? Spiritualist. U - Understand college physics? I get enough of it to pass it. V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? Squash of any kind. W - Worst food? Ass. lol Roll it over a bit, then maybe you might possibly consider giving half a chuckle. X - X-rays you've had? A ton. I am flawed. Y - Yummy food you make? Pasta... Z - Zodiac? Sag.

	2004.05.10  22.04 Be Real. So work today, wasn't bad... but my lil sophie work buddy Kris was sad. He was all teary n shit. I felt way bad for him. Girlfriends are no damn good. Anyhoo... me and Kris were talking about girls and shit. And.. I was reaffirmed in my not wanting to come to terms with my attraction for any females. I do have my likes, yes, but I don't want to have to worry about requitedness... and with some, I have absolutely no reason why, but I do NOT want to be attracted to her at all, and I can't help it *Cough* Kelli. Well, really, I have a few reasons... but... it sucks. I'd just rather not think about it. And I saw Aubri last week, and she was wearing a belly shirt... jesus. That was almost it, I was going to abduct her lol I always forget how gorgeous she is until I see her in person. But still, it's female interaction, and it seems perpetually unsuccessful... Its just a waste of my fucking time. Saw Lucy today, she's a cutey, but I did like her hair longer. I member in like 9th grade how long it was, and it was tight as fuck. I have had quite a few bursts of creativity in the ceramics department... I want to buy a few more bags of clay before I graduate, so I can work on shit during the summer. Wait, scratch that, im stealing them. Yep. Thats way better. My housing app. is in queue at Hawaii.. which... indescribably sucks. I'm going to have to find off campus housing in Hawaii... shoot me in the face, for I am financially fubar'd. Today wasn't really fun... realization of feminine failure, housing mishaps... and Noah hung up on me, which makes me homicidal. I hate being hung up on more than anything. If someones mad, be like "FUCK YOU, BYE!" But when you're talking and they hang up it really fucks me up. I get to hang out with Auberoonis on Friday... im pretty psyched about that, and looking forward to it :) Shes such a fucking cutey... jesus. And Kyle likes her too... Aubri just attracts redheads I guess. Anyhoo... im going to listen to my iio tracks and cry myself to lonely, loser sleep. Mood: Fatigued Music: Radiohead - TalkShowHost, D.O.N.S., Dj Balloon - Pussy Lover

	2004.05.07  22.24 It got all fucked up the first time, but I got a better image host. :) Sorry guys. Hello friends... these are some fun pics of Sam, and Annie. Both darling people. :) This was done out of love... and mostly boredom :D Oh, and theres one of Daemon too ;) I was inspired by the horrible splices seen in Drakes room. So these are minimally modified... if modded at all. :D TOGETHER AGAIN.... :) Me and Noah ARE gay :D Daemon, voguin' out. and me... in my ultimate fantasy of being .... M BISON!!

	2004.05.04  00.16 Anyone? I'd really like some sexual interest in my life. Anyone interested, please call 815-1068... I work like all the time... so feel free to leave a message, and we can have some uber-sexy meeting. And then maybe my libido will start talking to me again. That number again, was 815-1068. :)

	2004.04.29  22.33 Havent updated in a long time... hear me whine. So... last week was pretty stressful.. working... performing up at the U... not sleeping for some reason. lol My dad calls me checkers or wreckers now (named after a racer who would either win the race, or crash) cuz I have all A's n F's, More a's than f's, and even an A in Physics, WHAAT! :) I've been so completely exhausted... like, so fatigued from my schedule that my body aches and my head always hurts. But none compares to my disappointment today. I wanted to die. Jac, the girl I totally had a crush on... the one that disappeared from my life a few months ago because she was placed in a mental hospital.. came back today. My stomach totally fell out when I saw her, and I kept staring, but she was way cool about it, like she always was when I looked too longingly. She totally understood me.. shes pregnant, and engaged, and they have nothing to do with me. I wanted to feel happy for her, and I was really supportive.. but this girl was one of a kind. Eternal Sunshine style. The bizarre manurisms, she was absoulutely gorgeous too... and offered that glimpse into the exciting world. But these types of girls are never attracted to me. And thats fine, as it keeps me in misery... and misery is inspirational. Todavia tengo la letra que me diò... siempre lo tengo... en mi mochila... y la texta... I told her I had the biggest crush on her, but... its not like we both didnt know. I just felt I had to tell her. Jesus... there better be one just like her in Hawaii. This headache will not go away... i've had one for a day or two... and it feels like my brain is constantly moving. This past week I cant seem to fall asleep until well after midnight.. and I hate tossing and turning. Its so frustrating. Not getting good sleep makes me irritable, and I turn into a total fucking dick and I can't remember any of it. Irish amnesia. If you see me tomorrow, I wont remember it. Isnt that scary? Its scary for me... I keep forgetting the most trivial things... like at work. I made this guy a ham & swiss. Simple. Got to the register and couldnt remember for the life of me what I was doing. I guess I woke up.. and I was at work. I had no fucking clue what I just made him... its like trying to remember a dream completely upon awakening. You never really catch all of it.. just flashes. I feel like my brain isnt getting enough oxygen or something... the headache seems to dull when I drink a lot of water... but never quite goes away. But.. it'll all be worth it when I can go to Hawaii... just need to sacrifice now. I just hope I dont lose too many braincells... Aubri called today... I probably shouldn'tve answered my phone... but I was so glad she was actually calling me that just started chattin at work. I miss chillin with that cutie... a lot. Alright guys... my eyes are starting to get heavy from the immense pressure building behind them. Much love to all of you, and if I say something stupid, or shitty. I wont remember I did it... im sorry. Its like temporary insanity :( ... pregnant.